Getting out of the illusion

I was rushing to get to my Yoga class this evening after a long day of research and teaching.
I suddenly faced a reality on the street that I has denied to see for a year now.

As we go older, we learn how to react in such situations. I went to my class but I could not get inside. Instead I took a walk on familiar streets which was my dream one day...

The thing that I have been an honest person who never gives up in believing good things in people. A person who forgives other's bad. A person who does not treat in the same ugly way that she might be treated. Because I have dignity inside. Because I have a faith that good things never die. But, today at the end of a very busy day, I saw whatever I have hoped for and have believed in, has got lost. It was the glorious moment of sadness in my life.

But I managed to confront the emotions and was able to accept the reality. Doubt became clear and shadows faded away. The truth is I felt being betrayed, ignored and left behind without an explanation. The truth is so bitter, I know. But I like it because it is as honest as I am. Then a deep down happiness came to me. I am lucky and God blessed to see the real fact that will help me to come out of my fairy tale illusion. The illusion that misunderstandings would be solved, the illusion that time passing would make people to realize their mistakes, their bads...no. If a person develops hostility feelings towards the people whom care about him, not only time cannot helps but also hate becomes more complicated...the other side of my illusion was the love and care that I have spent three years of my life, would not go away...one day, they will be appreciated...that was wrong...good things can be forgotton easily...

I have been feeling so closed to the end recently. To the end of this wait, hope, whatever it is...what makes me so sad at this moment is that I hoped and believed in that my story would be different from common heart broken stories...but it is not. I cannot change it. I cannot clear the ugly fact from my life painting. It is there and I cannot deny it anymore...perhaps this reason is killing me...

I am glad that I could write down my emotions, a combination of anger, hate, sadness and ...I am also glad that no one whom knows me in real life, can read this blog. I am so glad that I have a secret friend, my blog here, that listens to me, helps me to cry out and relieve myself of all the ugly facts around...