I read an old article (2005) from O Magazine conducted by a famous private love consultant, Diana de Vegh. She believes that the idea of there is one and only one love for each of us is not only beneficial but also harmful. The phrases such as our better half, our shining knight is the start point that women get lost. Because of the myth of love scarcity, our relationship become fear-based.
"Love is the ideological bone women have been thrown" she says. It can be interpreted that men get the real power in our society and women are fed the false promises of "magic candy" that someone special will shower us with attention, give us our identity, read our mind and intuit our needs.
But when this dream comes true, there would be a day that the romance goes south and we end up feeling like a child who is been abandoned and it lost.
I fully agree with her opinion that letting men determine who we are would result in negative
outcomes such as, turning desires into vulnerability, changing our bodies from sites of pleasure to sites of betrayal, and transforms solitude into loneliness. I hate if someone does the last thing to me...but we may allow people to go that beyond if we fell in love with them blindly.
In an adult partnership, we do not declare that I do not like my own company, because we then are the victims of whoever passes by.
De vegh suggests her "Salad theory" that subscribes just as a salad needs some lettuce, a little tomato, cucumber, this and that, a full life involves friends, work, arts and community. The man can not play all those roles for our salad. This is the place where women go wrong. But if we feel filled up with self-respect, self-dependent and the ability to engage in the world, we would not be such victims.
Religions teach people that faith enters through a wound. A perfect analogy to human communications is that wisdom comes through our wounds, and that wounds have to turn into our blessings. "They make us soft and aware so we can say, 'Oh, yes, I learned that.' If it turns out that you and your partner have a different view of reality, that's good to know. You can honor that, and find someone who shares your view. If you're losing yourself in a relationship and he has all the power, it's important to take the self-respecting action of leaving and learning from the experience." she says. We have to give up the longing to be the child in the relationship.
The good news is that once we do, we're free to find love that's genuinely pleasure based.
"We each have a potential song in us," de Vegh says—one that can find its unique expression after we drop the sour chord of scarcity, dependency, and fear.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Work-out a sign of caring about yourself
"The idea of a gym is very intimidating for people who have never been into physical fitness" according to an article in O magazine. I am one of those people! I thought I can never convince myself to get a gym membership and work out regularly. It is because I do not enjoy exercising under the closed space. I love swimming jogging and cyclying. To me, those activity are enough to keep me in shape and healthy. But they are limited to weather condition. In fact, last month my new bike was stolen from the back yard of our university, although it was locked and it was the semester break, less people at university! The tragedy made me angry, sad and shocked! So, I needed to do something with my time over the long days at work...
According to this article, the motivating factor is the main trigger that people start doing exercises. The reasons that are matter to them such as fighting diseases, losing weight and keeping it off, looking good and fitted, being more energetic during days and getting better sleep over nights and slowing the effects of aging. Yes. regular exercises result in above outcomes but not all at the same time. For example, exercise reduce the risk of a number of conditions, such as cancer, cardiocascular and osteoporosis and diabetes diseases. It also firms the body, improve postures and give the skin a glow. Women usually think of this! I personally like the fact that one session of exercise put us in a better mood for three to four hours, at least. It also well-documented that exercise helps combat depression. Another motivating factor for me is that although exercise is energizing, it also wears us out! As we eventually feel more vibrant during the day and sleep better at night! There are other reasons that motivate people to work out including reducing the pain of arthritis, back pains and being an example for the rest of the family. The important point here is individuals should find the most important reasons that they care about!
I found mine! Firstly, I love Yoga and zumba. Most gyms have fitness classes that include those. It is more economic for me to pay the gym membership and attend the fitness classes instead of going to each session separately. Secondly, I am a PhD student and that requires a sedentary lifestyle including sitting at computers, reading papers and books and writing notes for long hours. Although I love research but it can become very boring if you do it as a job. So, I needed a escape from my work, the university environment. I found gym atmosphere and fitness classes very encouraging in a sense to focus better at work and enjoy more in doing exercise!
So, here is my own experience after a month of regular work out. We often think of many excuses that stand in our way: no passion, no time, no money, suffered from injury...but once you institute a zero-tolerance policy for excuses, you will be able to move forward and get around almost any obstacle. Yet hordes of people - even those with busy schedules and chronic pain - manage to exercise!
Let's do it then!!!!!!!!
According to this article, the motivating factor is the main trigger that people start doing exercises. The reasons that are matter to them such as fighting diseases, losing weight and keeping it off, looking good and fitted, being more energetic during days and getting better sleep over nights and slowing the effects of aging. Yes. regular exercises result in above outcomes but not all at the same time. For example, exercise reduce the risk of a number of conditions, such as cancer, cardiocascular and osteoporosis and diabetes diseases. It also firms the body, improve postures and give the skin a glow. Women usually think of this! I personally like the fact that one session of exercise put us in a better mood for three to four hours, at least. It also well-documented that exercise helps combat depression. Another motivating factor for me is that although exercise is energizing, it also wears us out! As we eventually feel more vibrant during the day and sleep better at night! There are other reasons that motivate people to work out including reducing the pain of arthritis, back pains and being an example for the rest of the family. The important point here is individuals should find the most important reasons that they care about!
I found mine! Firstly, I love Yoga and zumba. Most gyms have fitness classes that include those. It is more economic for me to pay the gym membership and attend the fitness classes instead of going to each session separately. Secondly, I am a PhD student and that requires a sedentary lifestyle including sitting at computers, reading papers and books and writing notes for long hours. Although I love research but it can become very boring if you do it as a job. So, I needed a escape from my work, the university environment. I found gym atmosphere and fitness classes very encouraging in a sense to focus better at work and enjoy more in doing exercise!
So, here is my own experience after a month of regular work out. We often think of many excuses that stand in our way: no passion, no time, no money, suffered from injury...but once you institute a zero-tolerance policy for excuses, you will be able to move forward and get around almost any obstacle. Yet hordes of people - even those with busy schedules and chronic pain - manage to exercise!
Let's do it then!!!!!!!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
How to Deal with Insomnia
This is another night that I get up around 3 am and cannot go back to sleep for the next three hours. It is going on in my life for almost 15 months. It is probably insomnia at the mild level as it seems I have experience difficulty sleeping or staying asleep. This has started since the break-up with my first love...the most difficult experience in my life...I am not ready yet to write about that!
The strategies that I have used so far to fight insomnia are: watching TV series, Yoga in the middle of the night, listening to light music and writing my diary until my mind finally gets tired and I go back to sleep around 5 or 6. But this is not how the story ends really...there are times when my mind keep thinking of many many things and the fear of a long day ahead makes me heartthrob. I had bad experience that I was awake the whole night until I went to university (my work and study place).I was angry, impatient and unable to deal with problems.
Although, I experience this time to time, there are some weeks when I sleep very well or the nights after a severe sleeping disorder I have no problem with sleeping. There is also another scenario, if I have the day at peace, occupied by different things related to myself and my work, I can have a perfect sleep at night.
Tonight, I woke up at 3 am. Remembering my conversation with my dad, my friends and got upset of confronting sad facts in life. Then I turn on my laptop, let it download the movie "Leon", I wanted to watch if for so long, and started reading "O magazine" edited by Oprah Winfery's organization. I looked for an article related to my problem and luckily me to find a good one with the same title as this post. It was such a relief to know the below facts:
1. More than half women ages 30 to 60, have trouble sleeping through the night, according to a National Sleep Foundation survey.
2. Most insomniacs worsen their condition by worrying about it. Then again, it's hard not to The 11th commandment in this culture might as well be "Thou must have eight hours of sleep"—we fear anything less means not being as fresh, alert, or productive as our well-rested colleagues.
3. Certain people are predisposed to developing insomnia, according to Oneil Bains, MD, director of the insomnia program at Seattle's Virginia Mason Medical Center, and some of the reasons are beyond our control—a woman's genetically determined "sleep drive", for example, and her personality. Life changes can also trigger insomnia, and we can't do much about those, either. But the third element in the slumber trifecta is the way we think about sleep, and that's where free will comes into play.
4. Letting go of that 11th commandment is the first step toward relief. "Most people with insomnia don't need eight hours," Bains says. When they stop fighting with themselves and settle for less, they feel better.
Yes! If I do not worry about the activities in coming day, I can focus how to use this unwanted gift of time. I must accept my body condition and do not fight with it anymore.
Here is what I decide. To write about my thoughts, experiences and beliefs on my blog with reading relevant topics from magazines and watching videos while confronting insomnia. This process draws me a path of becoming a blog writer in English that has been my passion since I got Australia but I could never find time for it!
I actually feel asleep now!
The strategies that I have used so far to fight insomnia are: watching TV series, Yoga in the middle of the night, listening to light music and writing my diary until my mind finally gets tired and I go back to sleep around 5 or 6. But this is not how the story ends really...there are times when my mind keep thinking of many many things and the fear of a long day ahead makes me heartthrob. I had bad experience that I was awake the whole night until I went to university (my work and study place).I was angry, impatient and unable to deal with problems.
Although, I experience this time to time, there are some weeks when I sleep very well or the nights after a severe sleeping disorder I have no problem with sleeping. There is also another scenario, if I have the day at peace, occupied by different things related to myself and my work, I can have a perfect sleep at night.
Tonight, I woke up at 3 am. Remembering my conversation with my dad, my friends and got upset of confronting sad facts in life. Then I turn on my laptop, let it download the movie "Leon", I wanted to watch if for so long, and started reading "O magazine" edited by Oprah Winfery's organization. I looked for an article related to my problem and luckily me to find a good one with the same title as this post. It was such a relief to know the below facts:
1. More than half women ages 30 to 60, have trouble sleeping through the night, according to a National Sleep Foundation survey.
2. Most insomniacs worsen their condition by worrying about it. Then again, it's hard not to The 11th commandment in this culture might as well be "Thou must have eight hours of sleep"—we fear anything less means not being as fresh, alert, or productive as our well-rested colleagues.
3. Certain people are predisposed to developing insomnia, according to Oneil Bains, MD, director of the insomnia program at Seattle's Virginia Mason Medical Center, and some of the reasons are beyond our control—a woman's genetically determined "sleep drive", for example, and her personality. Life changes can also trigger insomnia, and we can't do much about those, either. But the third element in the slumber trifecta is the way we think about sleep, and that's where free will comes into play.
4. Letting go of that 11th commandment is the first step toward relief. "Most people with insomnia don't need eight hours," Bains says. When they stop fighting with themselves and settle for less, they feel better.
Yes! If I do not worry about the activities in coming day, I can focus how to use this unwanted gift of time. I must accept my body condition and do not fight with it anymore.
Here is what I decide. To write about my thoughts, experiences and beliefs on my blog with reading relevant topics from magazines and watching videos while confronting insomnia. This process draws me a path of becoming a blog writer in English that has been my passion since I got Australia but I could never find time for it!
I actually feel asleep now!
