Love's myth

I read an old article (2005) from O Magazine conducted by a famous private love consultant, Diana de Vegh. She believes that the idea of there is one and only one love for each of us is not only beneficial but also harmful. The phrases such as our better half, our shining knight is the start point that women get lost. Because of the myth of love scarcity, our relationship become fear-based.

"Love is the ideological bone women have been thrown" she says. It can be interpreted that men get the real power in our society and women are fed the false promises of "magic candy" that someone special will shower us with attention, give us our identity, read our mind and intuit our needs.
But when this dream comes true, there would be a day that the romance goes south and we end up feeling like a child who is been abandoned and it lost.

I fully agree with her opinion that letting men determine who we are would result in negative
outcomes such as, turning desires into vulnerability, changing our bodies from sites of pleasure to sites of betrayal, and transforms solitude into loneliness. I hate if someone does the last thing to me...but we may allow people to go that beyond if we fell in love with them blindly.
In an adult partnership, we do not declare that I do not like my own company, because we then are the victims of whoever passes by.

De vegh suggests her "Salad theory" that subscribes just as a salad needs some lettuce, a little tomato, cucumber, this and that, a full life involves friends, work, arts and community. The man can not play all those roles for our salad. This is the place where women go wrong. But if we feel filled up with self-respect, self-dependent and the ability to engage in the world, we would not be such victims.

Religions teach people that faith enters through a wound. A perfect analogy to human communications is that wisdom comes through our wounds, and that wounds have to turn into our blessings. "They make us soft and aware so we can say, 'Oh, yes, I learned that.' If it turns out that you and your partner have a different view of reality, that's good to know. You can honor that, and find someone who shares your view. If you're losing yourself in a relationship and he has all the power, it's important to take the self-respecting action of leaving and learning from the experience." she says. We have to give up the longing to be the child in the relationship.
The good news is that once we do, we're free to find love that's genuinely pleasure based.


"We each have a potential song in us," de Vegh says—one that can find its unique expression after we drop the sour chord of scarcity, dependency, and fear.